My wife and the mud

What a stick in the mud.

This is based on a true story of mine.

So, there we were, two 20-something couples, just polished off a nice Italian dinner at this upscale SoCal mall. While heading back to our cars through Macy’s—because, let’s face it, nothing complements a good meal quite like ogling stuff we can't afford—my wife spots this beauty product that piques her interest.

She flags down a clerk. This mud mask, or "Active Mud" as they call it, comes from a brand with a 15-letter name that sounds more like a spell from Harry Potter than a skincare product. And it hails from a country that, for all I know, might as well be Narnia.

The clerk hands us this tiny jar, proudly announcing it's $40. Forty bucks. My disbelief must've been palpable because I blurt out, "Forty bucks? Is there, like, an inactive version? You know, just regular mud? I can get that for free next time it rains." I thought I was being hilarious. My wife? Not so much. Clearly, the wine was the one doing the stand-up at that moment.

Fast forward many years, we're moving, and guess what I find? That same jar of "Active Mud," boasting a single, solitary finger swipe. Ha, I think to myself, finally, my turn to score some points. She's got a list of every dumb thing I've ever done memorized, ready to throw it in my face. Now, I've got my ammunition.

But, turns out, she was over my "Active Mud" spiel faster than you can say "skincare." Every time she'd eye something pricey, I'd whip out my "Remember the Active Mud?" line like it was a get-out-of-jail-free card in Monopoly.

I'm not gonna lie, it took me way too long to realize I'd been overmilking that joke. Turns out, it wasn't as eternal as I thought.

Sharing this story with you all tonight feels strangely freeing. That jar of mud? Cheaper than a couple's therapy session, and it taught us about marriage dynamics, budgeting, and the fine art of joke timing.

And to my wife, who's probably planning my next solo sleeping arrangement, I promise, no more mud jokes. Unless, of course, they're absolutely top-tier.

(c) Copyright Jim McCullough 2024