In the grand realm of scientific inquiry, where lab coats meet laughter, a peculiar study "Association of Cannabis Use With Cardiovascular Outcomes Among US Adult" by the Journal of American Heart Association embarked on a quest to untangle the knotty relationship between cannabis enthusiasts and their tickers.
The study, a magnum opus, surveyed a vibrant mosaic of 434,104 individuals, a kaleidoscope of society with a significant representation of the high-flying community. A distinctive group emerged among this vast sea of participants, self-identifying as daily and non-daily consumers of the sacred herb. These were not your garden-variety participants; no, sir! They were the proud carriers of the stoner banner, a resilient bunch known for their unparalleled ability to turn pizza into a food group and a profound philosophical inquiry into the nature of snack foods.
When asked about their cardiovascular health, a chorus of "Uhh, what did the doc say again?" echoed through the virtual survey hall. The researchers, baffled yet bemused, noted this phenomenon as "selective auditory retention," a sophisticated term for "I was too stoned to remember."But what of their physical shape, you ask? Picture, if you will, a group as diverse as the strains of cannabis they adore. From the couch-anchored philosopher to the marathon-running vegan herbalist, the physical form of these herb aficionados defies simple categorization.
Yet, the assumption lingered in the air, as pungent as the scent of their beloved botanical: Why would such a laid-back demographic be at an increased risk for cardiovascular events? The answer, hidden in plain sight, or rather, in the plumes of smoke of their gatherings, was as complex as the patterns on their tie-dye shirts.
With a diet rich in the essential nutrients of cheesy puffs and the occasional foray into the great outdoors being a trip to the corner store, the revelation that their hearts might be under duress seemed to blindside society.
Yet, as the study concluded and the stoners continued to ponder the mysteries of the universe, one couldn't help but chuckle at the cosmic joke. In a world where the pursuit of happiness often leads to a pantry raid at midnight, the real surprise was not their increased risk but our collective astonishment at the findings.
And so, as the sun set on the horizon, casting long shadows over the land of statistics and surveys, the stoners, undeterred, passed the joint of knowledge to one another, their laughter a testament to the enduring spirit of human curiosity.
After all, what's life without a little risk and a lot of humor?
(c) Jim McCullough 2024
Opmerkingen